5 almost serious tips to improve your authority

A prince needs a good counselor, doesn't he?

1. Be a man

A man appears spontaneously as more dangerous than a woman. As a matter of fact, 95% of the prisoners are male, as well as more than 95% of the soldiers around the globe. An army with as much as 10% of women is arguably very feminized. But let’s say it’s just a prejudice and a social construct. When it comes to authority, you don’t really care whether the expectations of your subordinates are true or false. You have to deal with them in any case. You cannot escape public opinion, when you pretend to be obeyed, however stupid it may be. People are more used to obey men than women. If you are a man, be machiavelian and take advantage of the bad social habits.

Opinions, however, are double-edged. If, for a reason or another, you are unable to make serious decisions, for instance if you don’t punish effectively your subordinates when they deserve it, you lose all the benefit of your manly voice. Weakness is sometimes forgivable from a woman, but not so much from a man. If a pretty female teacher cries in the classroom, she may have a chance to draw compassion upon her. A man is more likely to draw contempt and to watch the students celebrate their victory.

 

2. Be gorgeous

At the opposite end, a hot girl naturally have a powerful tool to control the minds. Ladies, if the teenage boys are in love with you, you can make them do almost anything: move the furniture, wear your dictionnaries, or even pick a forget-me-not. As the boys are by far the most dangerous students, you will likely win the battle for authority.

However, like the most glorious conquerors, if you go too far, your downfall will be remembered. The reputation of a whore is quite sticky and last much longer than beauty. Even old age will not prevent jealous girls from making you pay your pantyhoses with the pictures of the monuments of London. Dearly.

Anything!

3. Be the nice guy

It’s well known, above all, people want care and attention. Provide them with love and compassion, aleviate their misery. It’s because they suffer such a sad and boring life in their poor household, that the little boys poor ink on their classmates’ jacket. They nail frogs on the table only by scientific curiosity. Their rude language is the last remnant of a patriarchal system, but they are the victims. Sons of predatory men, they just need you to become loving lambs. So nurish their brains and souls with good and sweet thoughts.

However, don’t forget to pay your candies regularly. Never break the contract, or the students will feed on you instead.

4. Be an asshole.

Well! It’s clear enough, be nasty, so nobody will mess up with you.

Just don’t forget your things in the classroom, or they will be used for obscure voodoo rituals.

 

5. Look like a légionnaire who smells hot sand.

Have in you something exotic and mysterious. Tell the students about your adventures in remote and dangerous countries. They will hang on your every word and remember everything, from the straight of Bab-el-Manded (the Gate of Lamentations) to the poisonous snakes in the desert, everything… providing it is not about the lesson at hand.

6. Be a clown.

All the children love clowns, don’t they? People are way better with a good laughter. It’s said to increase motivation, attention, and even lifespan. Why should you hesitate? After all, you are not at school to traumatise the students. You’re here to follow the curriculum, and the curriculum says: “the Nuremberg Trials”.

7. Be the man who can count…

… and not the one who announced a top 5 in the title.

Impress the students with the power of your brain.

In fact, you don’t really need to calculate accurately. Nobody really bothers to check the accounts. You only need to look lunatic and to be boring enough. The students will accept everything you say as the Gospel. And they’ll follow your instructions exactly as much as they follow the religious rules.

 

 

More seriously, charisma is a rather mysterious thing. There are many different styles of leaders. I would not advise anyone to just be happy with himself, as if it was enough! We sure have to do many efforts to address the unexpected difficulties of life. Yes, we do need to try and improve ourselves. But don’t play a role that doesn’t suits you.

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